SansPretense

I’ve vented on this over the phone with a friend, but other than that I’ve pretty much kept it to myself. I’ve definitely given it much thought and it just doesn’t sit right with me. So here’s the situation – hope you can see why this is a problem not just for me on a personal level.

A couple of weeks ago, I got a letter via certified mail. It definitely seemed important. I was surprised that it had my daughter’s school as the sender. The only times I’ve received letters from the school were at the beginning of the year, when my daughter has been Student of the Month, or take-home letters about school events.

I hurried and ripped the envelope open, and surprise! The letter says I have a mandatory meeting with school administrators and a County Deputy District Attorney. It stated that because my daughter had been absent “more than the allowed verified absences” I had to meet with the school and the DA.

At first I was upset, then I was really upset. I had to miss part of my day at work because I had to explain in person why my daughter had been absent. It didn’t matter that I had sent notes each time my daughter had missed days, or that I always called her teacher to get her make-up work, or that my daughter was excelling in school (she’s been Student of the Month, in Principal’s Math Club, and recently recommended for a gifted student program). I called the Assistant Principal and made all of the above points. He said he understood the letter was “harsh” but that it was necessary, and that yes I had to attend this meeting or risk facing prosecution by the DA.

The day of the meeting came. I wasn’t nervous because I truly believed I had done nothing wrong. I sat in a chair at the front office watching the minutes tick away – I kept thinking of all of the things I had to be doing at work, but couldn’t.

Eventually, I went into the Principal’s Office and met with him and the Deputy DA. The DA explained (and I just listened) that it’s the law for a parent in California to feed, provide shelter for, and provide an education for your children. It was information I knew, but I continued to listen. She went on to tell me that kids who are not in school are likely to drop out and likely to get pregnant. I knew that too. She told me that not having children in school had negative impact on their lives, and became a habit hard to break. Believe it or not, common sense had dictated that to me way before she made a point to tell me. The maximum days a child can miss from school are 10 days – there are 180 days (about) in the school year. She told me that my daughter had missed 13 days (for those keeping track that is 3 days over the limit). Then she pulled out my daughter’s chart and asked me what was going on…(more after the break)

I explained to her that of those 13 days, 6 days we had spent in Mexico back in October (I made no mention that the trip had to be in October because unfortunately the Archdiocese in Sonora couldn’t change the date of my cousin’s ordination to specifically suit my needs). I then explained that my daughter had something known as RSV (a respiratory virus) when she was a few months old. Since then she tends to get sick easily with colds, and flus, or ear infections. I explained that I had talked to her doctor before and she had explained it was normal. At one point they warned that she might even develop asthma (which thank God she has not and probably will not at this point). I had kept my daughter home from school on different occasions when I felt she shouldn’t and couldn’t be in class. I explained that as a parent I had to make choices as to what I felt was right for MY child.

She then said that sometimes kids manipulate us. Again, something I couldn’t possibly already know right? She said sometimes they just want to “stay home with mommy.” I explained to her that I am not at home and even when she is sick I have a full time job I have to go to. That it was actually more of a hassle to keep her home, as I had to scramble to find a babysitter and that there has been times when my daughter has been in school even though she was obviously sick.

I also explained to her that because I started earning a little more money this year (even though taxes eat most of that extra income up), I no longer qualified for a health insurance program my daughter was insured under. I explained that for the last two months I have been getting quotes to insure my daughter, but that unfortunately I could not afford $200/$300 a month to insure her, and that I could not afford to take her to the doctor every time she got a cold.

Her wonderful and ever helpful answer was that I should bring my sick child to school to have her checked by the school nurse and THEY would decide whether my child was sick enough to go back home. BUT (of course there was more) I had to remember that what “a parent considers sick” isn’t necessarily what “the school considers sick.” A school is mostly worried about contagious diseases, other than that you should be in school. Right.

I have to admit I came to a point where the frustration got a hold of me and I started crying. It really felt like they were labeling me as a bad parent. We talked about how well my daughter was doing academically, but they said it wasn’t about that. What? We’re talking about what is detrimental to my daughter, but academics are not important? Nope. Only thing that mattered is that she had missed more than 10 days. They said they weren’t calling me a bad parent, but they wanted to save my daughter from what would be a certain doom – her getting pregnant or ending up in dropping out or in jail. Not that she was sure it would be the case, but she had to mention it a few dozen times to let it sink in.

After my crying session and their offering to help me find health care for my daughter – I thought surely we were done. Not exactly. I had to sign a contract saying I would follow their guidelines for attendance from hereon (not just this year mind you, but the next, and the next, and the next, etc.), and if I didn’t, well of course there was a chance I would be fined or put in JAIL.

To add insult to injury one of the final things the DA said to me was: “If you hadn’t gone to Mexico, we wouldn’t be sitting here.” Insert some cuss words here because I was certainly thinking them.

So that is the story in detail, here are my after thoughts:

• I understand why the law of mandatory education was put in place. I do believe there are instances where children are being unfairly and wrongly kept from an education.
• Despite what the government thinks, I CAN TAKE CARE OF MY DAUGHTER. I can make choices about what is best for her health both physically, mentally and spiritually.
• You cannot treat all cases on one uniform standard and forget that real life has many variables and just because a child is out more than 10 days doesn’t mean it is for some horrific reasons.
• Academic status (i.e. how well, or not, a child is doing in school) should ALWAYS be taken into consideration when it comes to education and absence issues.
• In what universe does it make sense to threaten to put a parent in jail and/or fine them (in doing so completely disrupting a child’s life) when the absences are not affecting the child in a negative way? Does the state really think my daughter would be better off with me in jail? Do they really think it would be a positive impact to take a responsible parent (not on welfare, not on drugs, providing for all aspects of the household and making sure the child is well fed, clothed, educated and loved) away? Putting me in jail is how they will keep her from dropping out and getting pregnant? Really, that makes sense? Really?

I know that this law serves a purpose (most laws do). But when the government takes the law and forges it to impose their will on the people, then the law is going to fail someone. I am convinced that there are innocent parents paying the price for the guilty ones.

We do not need the government involved in every aspect of our lives, especially when it refuses to take common sense into account.

I will make the effort to have my daughter in school 100% of the time, but why is it necessary for me to live in fear that my parental decisions will land me in jail?

A nanny state – I defended it many a times as a liberal – “we need the government to take care of those who can’t take care of themselves.” Until I realized that the government takes that bit of power an stretches it to the limits – to the point that the law is sometimes unjust and unreasonable.

I really can take care of my daughter, and I really can use my best judgment to raise her in a way that is beneficial to society.

We don’t need the government in every aspect of our lives - I didn’t completely get that before – unfortunately (or fortunately) now I do.